It Was Perfect.

It was perfect,
Now it's not,
Such a simple line for a simple plot...

Although this story is like no other,
It's about him, my gorgeous lover...
Well, my lover no longer,
I lost him, he's gone...
All I can do now is wonder what went wrong...

I miss him now,
I love him still,
I always have,
And always will.

But the feeling's not mutual,
Well, that's what he said...
Yet I fail to understand how those feelings could be dead.

He loved me once,
He should still love me now,Well, thats what I think...
Am I being a cow?

I hate it, this feeling of disbelief...
All I really want is some pain relief!
Relief from the pain of my heart aching,
It was brittle before but now im sure it's breaking...

If not broken already, then thats where it's heading,
Why am I writing this when I could be forgetting?!
Forgetting the things we did,
Forgetting the things we had...
It might not help, but remembering makes me sad.

Memories are memories,
They're supposed to be sacred...
However, all they do is fill me with hatred!
The hatred is not aimed at him,
It is aimed at me...

The girl who's never good enough and never will be.

Self Conscious

 

I know it's not right,
But all I seem to do is fight, fight, fight.

Putting up with being me,
Is a daily chore which it shouldn't be...
I wish I could like myself, the way I am,
But right now I couldn't give a damn.

It's not just my appearance which gives me a fright,
It's who I am which makes me bite.

No one seems to understand,
That what I think of me can't be changed
By a few compliments - which is strange.

Shopping is a nightmare,
I try on clothes and people glare!
Although, they don't really - it's all in my head,
Much like a dream minus the bed.

My bed is a haven where I should feel secure,
However it's not and I feel so immature!
In my sleep there'll always be,
A horrid creature which I call me...

As much as people say it's all in my head,
All I seem to do is dread, dread, dread.
Dread being me,
Dread who I be,
Dread what I'll see,
In that mirror because it's not me-
Not the real me anyway,
I feel my subconscious has lead me astray...

I wasn't always like this you probably can tell,
But for me, its hard to break the spell.
The word 'curse' is more suited,To this feeling of being muted...

I hope that one day,
This feeling will pass,
And that I can be me-
The true one at last!